Who Will Be The Worst Team In 2013?

Bags over head

Every year we see people giving their thoughts on the top teams of the year and who they think will be playing in October.  Well why not make a different prediction?  Why not guess who will be calling up their minor league teams in August to get them playing time?  Which team will take home the annual  “1899 Cleveland Spiders Basement Award” (They finished 20–134 (.130), the worst in baseball history)?  Here are my top 3 picks for the worst team this year!

1. Houston Astros

This is a no-brainer.  Firstly, they are the reigning champions of the worst record in the MLB bringing home 107 losses in 2012.  When you look at their roster it already looks like they have made their minor league call-ups.  Their offseason moves are not looking to help them either.  The big one they made to practically lock themselves in the basement is their move to the AL West.  They moved to a really tough division after leaving a division where they could at least battle for second last place with the Cubs.  Now they are going into a division where every team is a threat.  Yes, even the Seattle Mariners could make Houston look like a little league baseball team.

Houston added some new faces in the offseason that will help them end their season even quicker.  They added Carlos Pena, but I don’t think anyone told the Astros that this is not the Pena from the 2007 Rays (He hit .282  with 46 home runs and 121 rbi’s).  This is the Pena from 2012 who after being unsuccessful with the Cubs (which is a pretty easy thing to do) went back to Tampa to hit just .197 with 19 home runs and 61 rbi’s in 160 games.  What is odd though is that his 61 rbi’s is more than J.D Martinez’s 55 rbi’s which led the Houston Astros last year.  So while it is an improvement for them, it’s not an improvement for a normal team.

They also added Phil Humber who is best remembered for pitching the 21st perfect game in MLB history last year.  Now Houston you should pay attention to what I’m telling you as you may not be aware.  Humber pitched a perfect game against the Seattle Mariners last year.  The Seattle Mariners hit just .234 last year as a team.  That was last in the league, not just the American league, this was in all of baseball.  So while this is impressive the rest of his stats are not that great.  He has a career ERA of 4.87 and his season with the White Sox ended last year after he sustained an injury and was replaced by Francisco Liriano……..that’s right.  So here’s to ya Houston, you surely are the front runner to be the worst team in the Majors once again!
2. Miami Marlins

Coming into the 2013 season, I will be honest, I forgot that there was a team in Miami.  I could have swore they were relocated to Toronto to make a 2nd team up there called the “Toronto Marlins.”  Then it hit me, Gincarlo Stanton has to still be in baseball right?  So i looked him up on Wikipedia on low and behold I discovered that he wasn’t released from Miami.  After shipping out Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, Josh Johnson , John Buck, and Emilio Benifacio, I had to think they got something out of this right?  In fact, the only noteworthy name they got was Yunel Escobar.  So in what was a very clear salary dump move they followed this up by trading Yunel Escobar 2 weeks later.  It can’t get any worse right?  Wrong.  They announced three days after that unreal trade that they had signed Juan Pierre.  You give up an all star cast of players to replace that with Juan Pierre?!!  What happened to this team?  They won the world series in 1997 and 2003.  Now they are fighting with Houston to be the tickle fight team of the Major League.  I had to do some research to figure out where they went wrong.  Then after about an 18 minute search I found my answer.  David Samson.

For those of you who don’t know this man is the President of Baseball Operations in Miami.  He is the man who destroyed the Montreal Expos and had them sold to Major League Baseball so they could eventually be the Washington Nationals.  He became the president of the Marlins in 2002 and after watching them win a world series in 2003, has sent then on a downhill since.  Now it appears he has them at rock bottom.  He thought moving the team from Florida to Miami (Spoiler Alert they literally didn’t leave the city of Miami, just changed the name to try to spark something) would help them, but unfortunately no one in Florida seemed to have noticed, and the continually bad attendance numbers prove it. Seeing this year unfold for Miami will no doubt be amusing.  Maybe Barry Bonds will come back and play for the Marlins for absolutely no reason.  Then sometime right before the all-star break the MLB will pull an NBA move and take the team out to Oklahoma City and keep them there to add another pro team in Oklahoma.  When you look at the standings  this year you will surely see Miami at the bottom.  Good luck to you, Gincarlo.

3. Chicago Cubs

I feel like this is just a bad joke that has going on for what 104  years now?  They are destined to be another bottom feeding team and now that Houston has left the NL Central they won’t have a struggle to be last in that division, they just will be.  The Pirates are actually becoming somewhat good now until the all-star break, then the other three teams in the Central are actual baseball teams so the Cubs will have no problem being in last.  I have to give the Cubs credit for at least trying to find a good team, they’re problem is every player they get catches what I like to call “Cubsitis.”  Scott Baker and Matt Garza have a bad case of it, and it’s hitting them so bad they don’t even want to play.  They added Edwin Jackson to try to get some depth in pitching, but he better beware of that Cubsitis.

Alfonso Soriano continues to be the only legitimate home run threat leading the team with 32 HR’s last year, but at age 37 that it is inevitable that Cubsitis will hit him soon.  Bryan Lahair was an all-star for the Cubs last year because Tony Larussa hates the Reds, but now the Cubsitis has hit Bryan so badly that he disappeared and is now playing in Japan.  Rizzo could be the next hope, but the problem with him is he has a chance to be good so he will more than likely get traded for a couple of minor-leaguers.

Hey I have a joke I want to tell you…….Carlos Marmol.  Get it?  Now on a serious note. Led the league in blown saves in 2011 and in 2012 was plagued with Cubsitis so he was only able to collect 20 saves and pitched just 55 innings.  This is mainly because in order to bring in a closer you need to have a close lead near the end of the game.  That doesn’t happen often for the Cubs so this was a problem.  I still have to admire the fans that come out every year to cheer on the Cubs at Wrigley Field.  It’s just disappointing that they are never able to provide the city with a team that can be worthwhile to actually watch.  Good luck to you on your 105th consecutive re-building year Cubs.

Also received votes to be on this list:

Boston Red Sox
Becuase they’re team was bought out by the Magic Johnson and the Los Angeles Dodgers, and they’re manager left to go to Cleveland

Minnesota Twins
Will only be out of the basement if they figure out that there is more to life than Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer

San Diego Padres or Colorado Rockies
Flip a coin.

There you have it folks.  When you are checking the bottom of the standings this year you can surely expect to see near the bottom!


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